If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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