I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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