dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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