I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
