Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
