Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
literally had 100 drinks last night.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
