my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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