apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
