I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
