if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
