AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
