Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
