he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
