If that was your dad, he is hot
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
