can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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