Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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