she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Are my feet made of real feet?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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