My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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