Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
