Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
