Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I need help removing her.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
