fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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