Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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