The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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