You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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