Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
