The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
