So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
