I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize