Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
