He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
True college students do jello shots in the library
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
