if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
