I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
