Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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