dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
