My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
