please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
