the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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