i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
