Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
