Do you still have your period?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
