he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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