so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
