he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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