I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
