I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
