Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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