Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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