i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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