dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
