you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
