On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
