I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
