We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
