i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry about my life...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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