atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
