I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
