for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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