It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
