Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
